... Had my 12 week scan today.

And I am absolutely over the moon to be able to say that everything was fine. More than fine. Wonderful!!


I am totally on cloud 9 right now. To be honest, I think i had prepared myself for the worst.


We arrived at 9.20am,  appointment was at 9.30am. I first got called into a little room to fill out some paperwork, got asked some standard questions about health and ethnic origin, etc. Then got weighed!!  Argh, wasn't prepared for that one. She didn't tell me what i weighed thank god, and i didn't ask! lol


Then we went back into the waiting room and got called again about 5 mins later.  This time for the scan. I got onto the bed thingy and was surprised to see a big screen right in front of me, as well as one in front of the sonographer. I immediately thought "surely she won't switch  my screen on until she has seen everything is ok" but she put it on straight away. I was sooo scared that i was going to see something awful, but I couldn't look away from the screen. 


However, as soon  as she put the scanning thingy on my tummy i saw a baby on the screen. Not a tiny blob, like i was expecting. A proper baby that looked well formed for 12 weeks, was wiggling and had a heartbeat!!!


I immediately started crying! I can't even remember what the sonographer said but she was lovely and said very positive things (unlike my early scan). 
Tony then started crying too and rested his head on shoulder and kissed me. 


The sonographer started taking measurements and she decided i was 2 days ahead of what they told me at my early scan. Which was good, as they put me a week behind at my early scan and i was pretty sure i couldn't have been a whole week behind. 5 days doesn't seem quite such a big deal. 


Baby was sleeping for most of the scan. It did have a wriggle right at the beginning and then a little wriggle in the middle. Nothing like my 12 weeks scan with Leo. He was bodypopping all over the place! Perhaps that means this baby will be more chilled out! *wishful thinking*


I asked if there was any sign of the bleeding that had been previously seen as she said "No, there's no bleeding. There are a few little darker areas but that is most likely just a little bit of bruising from where it has healed". I was so relieved to hear that. 


After the scan me and Tony had a big cuddle and for the first time really celebrated the pregnancy. I could just tell from the look in his eyes that he was completely delighted. :)


Then i had to have some blood taken for the Downs test (among others) and i was VERY impressed that the lady managed to get blood out of me first time!! AND from my arm!! That never ever happens. it always takes several attempts and then they have to take it from the back of my hand. So that was good too!


I then made an appointment to see the Consultant on Monday 12th. I asked what this was for and the receptionist said it was a standard appointment that everyone gets. Hhmmm.... not convinced, but i'm happy to go. The more appointments the better if you ask me! 


After the hospital me and Tony went into Exeter for a quick bit of shopping before Tony had to start work. I promised myself a mooch around the H&M baby and Maternity departments if all was well at the scan. I treated myself to 2 lovely maternity dresses / long tops, and got a little set for baby! A sleepsuit, vest, trousers, bib and little hat, all in neutral colours. So cute!!! 
Anyway, i was in such a flap after my scan i went and bloody left my scan photo on the receptionists desk!! I only realised once i got into Exeter so i had to go back and get it! Doh! 


I went into work for 12 as i had a team meeting. Our team meetings are the only time we all get together to share news and important work stuff so it was the perfect opportunity to let all my colleagues know. It was lovely that they were all so delighted for me! :)


I obviously got to tell all my family, Tony's family and friends too which was FAB! At last i can start to look forward to having a baby and can enjoy my pregnancy! 


Anyway, gonna shut up now as hubby just got home. But all in all, a very VERY good day!!! ♥


Here is my scan pic. Gorgeous baby!!! xxxx

... 9+1

Yesterday I reached week 9! And what is my reward for this milestone? A horrendous sick bug!!

After being kept awake half the night by the bloody cat who kept meowing in my face for no apparent reason, I finally get her settled and snuggled up to me, only to wake up at 5am with awful stomach pains and pouring with sweat. I knew straight away that something was wrong so took myself off to the bathroom. I sat on the toilet and started shaking. I had that familiar feeling that i was about to be very sick so I picked up Leo's step stool, turned it upside down and used it as my sick bucket!

I'll spare you ALL the hideous details but my body was rejecting something in a very extreme way. This wasn't just a little but if sick, it was throwing up over and over again whilst hardly being able to breathe, and only really bringing up bile as my stomach was empty.

Hubby heard me and asked if I was ok, I said "no" and explained that this most definitely was not just morning sickness. He normally leaves for work at 7.15am but anticipating being very unwell I asked him if he would be able to be late for work so that he could take Leo to preschool for me. Thankfully his boss agreed for him to go in late so that I didn't have to deal with getting Leo up, dressed, fed, and to preschool.

To cut a long story short I carried on being sick all day. I think the last time I was sick was at about 4.30pm. I was unable to keep any water down all day and obviously couldn't eat anything. I went to bed at 8.30pm and slept until 7.30am this morning. 11 hours!! Can't remember the last time I slept that long.

Anyway, I woke up feeling loads better this morning and have had some tea and toast. Thankfully I don't have to go to work yesterday. My boss called me last night (after hearing from my colleague how poorly I was) and told me she had arranged cover for me for Wed and Thu so told me to stay home and rest. She is the only one at work who knows I'm pregnant so knows how important it is that I look after myself. I was so so relieved to not have to worry about going to work. I have Friday booked off as annual leave so I have no work at all this week.

I have been a bit worried about the affect that my illness might have had on the baby, not only because of the very violent puking and retching but also the dehydration. I'm really gonna take advantage of the next few days and make sure I rest as much as I can.

It's bad enough being so poorly but then worrying about the little person inside me as well is just horrible! :(

Anyway, moving on - 15 days until my 12 week scan (even though I'll only be 11 weeks) and I can't wait!!! I just want to know everyhing is ok now. I will be SO nervous on the day. I just hope its a lot more positive than the last one!

.... Update from the scan (and other stressful stuff).

So yeah, I have been crap at updating this, sorry! The truth is, I have been so unbelievably tired lately that i have barely have the energy to make it through the day. Ugh!

Anyway, here it is.

So I had my early scan on Friday 4th November. It was a hideous day from start to finish. Leo woke up at 5am and was sick all over his bed. I was hoping and praying it was a one off but nope, he continued to throw up all morning. Tony was supposed to be coming to the scan with me but obviously had to stay  home with Leo. So i had to go on my own, which wasn't a nice experience. I got to the hospital ok, but then got totally lost in the hospital trying to find the right bit to go to. Then when I eventually find it i couldn't get the pay and display machine to work so had to run around trying to find another one. I sat in  the  waiting room on my own for what felt like an eternity but was probably only 30 mins. And then I had the scan. 

They were very thorough and did an external and internal scan. There were 2 of them and they kept talking between each other in language i didn't really understand, neither of them said anything to me for ages which terrified me. Finally one of them turned to me and said "Well there IS a foetus with a heartbeat" (at which point tears plopped out from my eyes) but then there came the "but". To cut a long story short - there is bleeding around the edge of the sac which is obviously where my episodes of bleeding have come from, and the baby measured a week smaller than my dates, which is worrying as I was fairly sure of my dates. 

Basically they said that the bleeding could just stop and the pregnancy could progress as normal or it may continue and lead to miscarriage. They were very matter of fact with me, which i guess they have to be, but there was nothing comforting or understanding from them at all! I went away with my little scan report to show to my  midwife and got in the car and called Tony. I sobbed down  the phone to him and he was very quiet, i don't think he knew what to say really. :(

I then went on to work, which i wasn't sure was a great idea but actually i think it helped take my mind off of it a tiny bit and get back into 'normal' life. I managed to compose myself by the time i got there and then just got my  head down and  did some work, whilst trying to avoid talking to anyone. 

So that's that, my due date has been pushed forward a week to the 19th June now and we just have to keep our fingers crossed that everything will be ok. 

On the Friday after work I made my way to Guildford to stay with my sister. The whole journey was a total nightmare. My train from Tiverton to Reading was due at 6.10pm but when  Tony dropped me off at the station it had been cancelled!! The next one wasn't due for another hour so i called Tony back to get me and we went off to Tesco to do some shopping and so I could get some cash out. Got there and my debit card wouldn't work in the cashpoint so i took it inside to get some cashback. But it wouldn't work at the tills either and they couldn't override it. So i had NO way of getting any money out. Bearing in mind my  debit card is my only source of money i was feeling rather stressed out. whilst all of this was going on Leo managed to fall over and bang his chin on a pile of baskets. He really hurt himself and was screaming his head off, so how did i deal with this - I cried with him!! Tony called my sister an arranged to have some money transferred from my account into hers so she could give me some money when i got there. Then we got  back to the train station  at 7.10 to get my train and it  was SO hideously packed i had to squeeze myself through the door, like you would on a busy tube. By this point i was feeling very nauseous and standing up in a sea of people on  a fast moving train did not help. I was SURE i was gonna puke  all over everyone  at any moment and had  my  quickest rout to the toilet planned in advance. Thankfully when we got to Taunton I put my ruthless head on and pushed  past all the people and managed to score the one and only seat that had been vacated. I was SO relieved!! The rest of the journey didn't go smoothly either. We had several delays, one due to a punch up on the train, and another due to us having to make an unscheduled stop at Newbury Racecourse to get a woman off the train and into an ambulance as she was in  labour!!! So of course we get to Reading and i have missed my connecting  train! The station was very busy and i had no idea what i was doing or where i was going  but thankfully i  bumped into a parent who attends one of my community groups at work. She works for First Great Western and was able to point me in the right direction of my  next train.  Anyway, the whole thing was hideous and i didn't get to my sister's until gone 11pm!! I was utterly shattered and was out like a light when my head hit the pillow. 

Thankfully the next day I was able to put it all behind me and start afresh. Me and Donna  went to the 'Spirit of Christmas' fayre at London Olympia and had a WONDERFUL day!! It really was fab! It was quite stressful looking after Donna by myself and making sure nobody bumped into her, and that she was ok all the time, but it was so worth it. Donna had a really good time and told me i had done a very good job of looking after her. It annoyed me how inconsiderate people can be around disabled people and one more than one occassion I had to argue with people as to why she deserved a seat  more than they did!! GRRRR!!! I was shocked by the amount of staring that goes on too. I mean, i know people are probably just looking at her and wondering what has happened to her but FFS she isn't a freak show. I did some very good glaring back at them and got some classic embarrassed looks when they saw me! lol! Donna  thought it was pretty hilarious and called me her "bodyguard". I did literally bat a couple of people out of the way. But i was not letting ANYONE ruin our special day together and Donna's biggest fear was getting knocked over. I was amazed by how well she did. She walked for the WHOLE  day. 7 hours!! Although there were obviously lots of breaks for her to sit down and rest for a while.

I had decided not to tell my sister about my pregnancy due to the uncertainty of the scan. However, 5 mins  after we got to the Christmas Fayre  Donna turned to me and said "If I ask you a question, will you answer honeslty?". I said yes and she then said "Are you pregnant?". I was totally shocked and had NO idea how she knew, as i had given no clues whatsoever!! Turns out she suspected it when i asked Mum about the Isofix fittings in our new car! But that was due to Leo's new car seat. Nothing to do with baby seats!! Hilarious!!

Anyway, so of course i told her the whole story and she gave me a hug and told me that she was really pleased for me. Phew! I was so relieved. it was just a shame that we couldn't properly celebrate as its all so uncertain. The bonus was i was able to share with her how sick i felt. The tiredness  from the day before  really affected me i think. It seems that my sickness gets much worse when i'm tired. 

We had a really lovely weekend and i was SO pleased to see how well my sister is doing. Her progress is slow now and she and Pete are struggling to adjust to this long term, but I have every faith she will continue to improve. It's only been 6 months since her stroke and considering how unwell she was to begin with she has come an incredibly long way. I can't wait to see how much further she progresses in the next 6 months! 

The scan was over a week ago now and I have only had one very small bleed since then, it was only really a tiny bit of blood when i wiped, nothing more. I definitely still feel pregnant, i'm knackered all the time, feel sick often and need to eat ALL the time. I'm already sporting an enlarged tummy,  but that is definitely due to the amount of food i'm eating and not a baby bump!!

I'm trying to focus on the positives and have even made my first baby purchase. I got the exact same crib we had for Leo from someone local on ebay. In very good condition and only £30! It's £120 new from mothercare. Very happy! Some might see it as tempting fate, but it WILL get used sometime in the future so what's the harm in buying it now? 

Anyway,  i have waffled on way too much now and i have promised to make biscuits and cakes with Leo today (mainly so i can scoff them! lol) so i better get on with it. 

Now the mammoth update is out of the way I'll try really hard to update more regularly! 

Thanks for listening. Take care of yourselves, and each other. ;)

... Scan tomorrow morning!!

God, I am SO nervous! I feel sick about it. I'm just so worried something will be wrong and that I won't cope with the bad news.
Tony is coming with me as it's his day off tomorrow, but unfortunately Leo has to come too as we don't have anyone to look after him. I have told Tony he will have to stay in the waiting room with Leo as i don't want leo being in there if something is wrong. It wouldn't be fair to him. But hopefully, if everything is ok, they might let me call Tony and Leo in to see. I don't think we will tell Leo what he is looking at but he will probably be too busy looking at all the machines to really notice.


I'm off to stay with my sister tomorrow night after work. On Saturday we are going to the 'Spirit Of Christmas' event http://www.spiritofchristmasfair.co.uk/. We are both very excited about it as we love christmas. And it will just be a really nice opportunity to spend some time together just the 2 of us. Something we haven't done for probably over a year now. Definitely  not since she has had her stroke. It will be lovely to talk to her one-to-one. Can't wait to see baby Frank either, and give him a big squishy cuddle!!!


At one of my community groups at work today a mum I have worked quite closely with over the past 2 years arrived with her 5 day old baby girl ! She was absolutely tiny (5lb 10), but I had a lovely cuddle with her! God I hope i'm holding my own newborn in  7 months time. ♥  ♥  ♥


If all goes well tomorrow I will be going straight to work after and will then be on my way to my sisters straight from work so I don't know when i'll next get the chance to update this blog. I'll try and see if I can work out how to do if from my iphone.


To be honest i don't know what i'm going  to do if all is not well. I'm trying not to think too much about that scenario. I guess i won't go to work and then going to my sister's will depend on what  they want to do with me. Anyway, nope, not thinking about right now!


Positive thoughts!!! xxx

... Early scan booked.

Midwife called me this morning and told me she has booked me an early scan for Friday morning at 8.55am. 


I was hoping it might be sooner, but even so, just a few days to wait. I'm so nervous though. I just keep getting this horrible feeling something will be wrong. 


I have had to cancel my 1st meeting at work on Friday morning and emailed my boss to let her know why I will be late. She knows I am pregnant so it's fine. Dunno what I will say if any other colleagues ask me though....


I am driving myself BONKERS at the moment by comparing everything to my pregnancy with Leo. It's so different and I guess that's what is worrying me. With Leo I had such awful sickness all the time and couldn't eat hardly anything. This time around, I get moment of queasiness but mostly I am just bloody STARVING all the time. Right now my stomach is grumbling like mad. Despite the fact I had 2 big fat crumpets 2 hours ago!! If I carry on that this rate I am gonna put on SO much weight. 


Anyway, keeping everything crossed until Friday! It can't come soon enough. 

... First Midwife appointment

So, my first midwife appointment went ok. 


First off, she was lovely! Which really helps. Leo entertained himself well with the box of toys and the bag of mini cheddars i took for him. He had no idea what we were talking about thankfully. 


I told her my history and then my sister's history which made me cry (again!!). She was very understanding and could see why I was so anxious about my blood pressure. 


We went through all the usual stuff and she told me about my options of where to give birth (Exeter or Taunton - both over a 30 min drive away! Eek!)


I totally forgot to ask anything i wanted to. I was SO nervous. And she actually referred to me TWICE as an "anxious lady". 


She looked up my blood tests on her computer and they all came back fine. Apparently my iron  levels  are very healthy which is good. The only minor thing was when they did my blood grouping test, it came back with a minor abonormailty thingy (didn't really understand but they said it was nothing to worry about and it just has to be repeated at  12 weeks). 


She phoned up and booked my 12 week scan for 1st December. Then when I told her about my bleeding and how worried i am she said she would book me in for an early scan. She called up but they were closed so she is going to do it first thing in the morning. She said it's usually within a couple of days so i should get it for Wed or Thu. I'm really nervous but can't wait. I just want to know one way or another. The not knowing is killing me. 


Keeping everything firmly crossed until then. 


K. xxx

.... 7+6

I know I haven't blogged for a while but its hard trying to find the time. I'm so busy in the daytimes and then in the evening i am so bloody tired my brain doesn't work at all.


Anyway, i have  decided to steal 15 mins now to do a quick update.


So, we got back from our holiday on Friday evening. We went to Newquay for 5 days and it was FAB!! Ok, so yeah, it rained a lot. But we totally made the most of every day and  we all had an absolute ball! Leo has a new found love for the  2p machine in the amusements. Many a happy hour spent feeding 2ps into machines. He loved the swimming pool on our campsite as it had a huge shallow area where he could easily stand up and build up his confidence. He actually managed to swim a little bit on his own (with his armbands on) and he is usually way too afraid to take his feet off of the floor if we aren't holding onto him. We had some lovely days out to Newquay Zoo and Paradise Park and on our very last day went to Padstow for the day which was really lovely. The weather was gorgeous and Leo loved splashing about in rock pools and digging up the sand on the beach.


Apart from getting quite tired i had a great time too and actually felt pretty good. I didn't have any morning sickness at all, and had only a few queasy moments.


Leo also LOVED the "disco" over at the campsite clubhouse, so we went every night. He adored having a little boogie on the dancefloor and i couldn't get over how well behaved he was there.


We booked this holiday through the Sun newspaper on their £9.50 deal. Like we do every year. And we were absolutely over the moon when we checked into our caravan to find that we had been given the highest spec caravan on the entire park!! It was amazing! The nicest caravan i have ever seen. It had proper double galzing, vcentral heating with proper radiators in every room, 2 huge lovely sofas, flat screen tv and dvd player, very comfortable beds, a 2 person shower, it was fab! It certainly made the holiday a lot more comfortable. I wanted to stay for longer.


The only thing i could complain about from the whole holiday was the amount of whinging Leo did! Good lord the boy can whinge!! It totally did my head in at times and i might have told him on more than one occassion "If you don't stop whinging we are going home!!". lol. His behaviour is pretty shocking at the moment actually, it seems that since he started pre-school he has become very hard work. I had to have several proper talks with him over the holiday.


Anyway, that was the ONLY thing i could complain about. It was the nicest holiday we have had with Leo to date.


So, back to me. Today Tony has gone back to work and this morning i have started bleeding again. Am feeling very worried. My symptoms seem to be dissapearing too. My boobs aren't sore anymore and i am nowhere near as sick as i was when i was pregnant with Leo. I am so worried!!


I have my 1st midwife appointment today at 3.20pm (thank god!) so will talk about it with her and will see if i can get an urgent scan for tomorrow when Leo is at pre-school. I just need to know everything is ok. I am worrying myself sick. i keep having visions of getting to the 12 week scan and them finding that there is no baby or that something is badly wrong. I'm just not sure I can wait another 4 weeks to find out.


I'm feeling in need of support right now and don't know who to turn to. My family and friends don't know i'm pregnant yet and i don't want to tell them until i know everything is ok. I would normally turn to my online friends but i'm feeling a bit uncomfortable about that at the moment. So i guess i'll have to talk to the Midwife this afternoon.


I'm really worried about having my blood pressure taken this afternoon too. What if it's still high? What will they do with me? Ugh! All this worrying wont help my blood pressure i know, but it's hard staying calm when you want everything to be ok SOOO badly!!!


K. xxx

... 6 weeks today

Had a bit of a scary weekend. I had a small bleed on Saturday evening and had awful tummy pains too. I was trying not to panic as I experienced something very similar when pregnant with Leo. But it's hard. I want this baby so much and already feel like I have formed an attachment to it. Which is kinda crazy considering I didn't even know I was pregnant at 6 weeks last time.


Thankfully the bleeding wasn't very much and had eased off by the next morning. Today is Tuesday and I definitely still feel pregnant. I am having to wear a padded bra ALL the time as my boobs are so sensitive that every little knock and wobble hurts. (Not good when you have an active 3 year old!)


This morning I had my very 1st up-chuck experience of this pregnancy. Gross!! I felt totally rotten all morning and felt like I needed to be very still. Then when i got home there was a leaflet for a kebab shop take-away in my letter box and looking at the MINGING photo on the front just tipped me over the edge! Bleeuurrgghhh!!!


I'm finding it hard trying to explain to Leo to be careful with my tummy. I keep telling him "Mummy has a poorly tummy" and that he needs to be gentle with me. Hhmm... that kinda goes in one ear and out of the other. I'm being very careful not to talk baby stuff in front of him. I really don't want him to pick up on it and then go blurting something out in front of my Mum and Dad!


The Midwife finally called me back yesterday and I have my first appointment on Monday 31st at 3.20pm. Unfortunately it means I will have to take Leo with me, but will take a new magazine or something with me to keep him occupied and hopefully we won't understand too much of what is being said.


5 days until we go on holiday to Newquay!!! Wooooop!!! I am so looking forward to it. I don't even care if it pisses down all week, I just want to spend some time relaxing and having fun with my little family. We get to spend so little together these days, so it will be lovely!
I have made many lists already and have filled up all my little travel bottles with all the lotions and potions i will need. There is something about these rituals that I find SO exciting! lol


Anyway, thats all for now. Still feeling very positive about everything and am keeping my fingers tightly crossed that this little squishy sticks!!


Kay. xxx

... 5+4 and feeling positive.

Apologies for the miserable post last night. I was beyond tired and needed a good sleep.


Thankfully I got a good sleep last night. A full 9 hour sleep! I didn't even get up for a wee! lol. I woke up feeling refreshed and happy. I had one more pregnancy test in the drawer so i decided to do it this morning to hopefully reassure myself. I'm glad I did. It really did make me feel so much better. The line was SO strong. look:



Anyway, I got myself and Leo washed and dressed for the day and then went downstairs for breakfast. I made Leo his favourite - peanut butter on toast, and it looked so good i decided to have the same myself. I made 2 pieces of toast and a cup of tea, and wolfed the lot down. But then thought i was gonna puke the whole lot up again. Oops, I didn't though and thankfully the nausea faded as the morning went on.


I took Leo to the Odeon in Taunton to see Cars 2 (again), he is really into going to the cinema at the moment and i thought it would be a nice thing for him to do that wouldn't require me to use much energy! lol. I took him to McDonalds for lunch after the cinema, then we had a trip to Mothercare to look at new car seats for Leo. I had a sneaky little look at all the baby stuff while I was there. Moses baskets, cribs, bedding, teeny tiny baby clothes.... it was all so exciting!!! I even got excited looking at bottles and sterilisers! I know it's still early days, but I am allowing myself to get a bit excited now. I was so terrified the whole time I was pregnant with Leo and when I look back now, I really wish I could have enjoyed it a bit more. So I am trying to cherish every moment and just hope for the best. Once i get past that 12 week scan i will allow myself to buy things, but until then I feel like I might be jinxing it.


I spoke to hubby last night about the possibility of an early scan. He thinks I should go for it, but then he doesn't worry about money like i do, and to be totally honest i would rather put the money towards a 4d scan later in the pregnancy. I had one when pregnant with Leo and it was THE most AMAZING experience. Hhmmm .... it's tricky. I would love to have an early scan, it would make me feel SO much more at ease about everything..... but ....... oh I dunno! 


Getting excited about our holiday to Newquay next week. It's long overdue and we all really need it. I can't wait!! I just hope I don't feel TOO terrible the whole time. Although, I guess having a 3 year old is a good excuse to go back to the caravan and have an early night. 


Leo is being an absolute angel today! I love him so much. He never even had a tantrum when i refused to buy him any of the 10,000 'Cars' related toys and books he picked up in Mothercare. I treated him to a Bart Simpson gingerbread biscuit in Sainsburys and he looked like all his Christmases had come at once. Bless him! 


I'm really hungry at the moment. I am trying to do the 'little and often' thing as it stops me feeling so sick. I bought myself some cinema style popcorn to eat tonight whilst watching the X Factor. ROCK and ROLL!!! ;)


Yep, today is a good day! :)

.... 5+3. Lots of moans and rambles!

Knackered!! Good lord, I haven't felt this knackered in ages. And the worst thing?? Not being able to moan about it!!  lol. Well .... I can at home of course, so poor hubby is getting a right earful at the moment.


I had my blood tests at the Dr's this morning. What a bloody nightmare that was. I went in and Phlebotomist said to me "So, what tests are we doing today then?" and i was like "uuummm I dunno, you tell me!". Turns out the Dr I saw on Tuesday hadn't put in my notes what blood tests needed to be done, and I didn't know. I explained the story and she assumed it was just the normal pregnancy bloods that needed doing but then when I mentioned that I had been told to fast for 12 hours she then realised that it wasn't just normal pregnancy bloods.


I am a total nightmare to get blood from and it always has to come from my hand. Thankfully she didn't even try from my arm and went straight for the back of the hand, and got it on the second try. God, my hand is sore now though.


Am rather annoyed that after leaving a message on the Midwive's voicemail saying that i needed to make an urgent appointment, nobody has returned my call!! FFS! I'd pissed off at that even if it WASN'T  urgent.


Gonna call again tomorrow I think, or perhaps I should wait until Monday.


My nausea seems to have faded a bit, which of course has made me panic. But i still have the tiredness and tender boobs, and I guess I just 'feel' pregnant so i'm trying not to get TOO worried. Can't believe i have 7 weeks to wait until my 12 weeks scan though, its' gonna feel like a lifetime away. I am so tempted to book in for a private early scan but £70 is a lot money really. And I guess it won't change anything.


Feeling anxious about the blood pressure thing. I keep getting very dizzy and am not sure if this is connected. Everything i bend down to pick something up (which I do about 1000 times a day!) i get a major head rush and sometimes feel like i'm gonna pass out. Guess I should mention that to the midwife when I see her.


Oh, I told my boss yesterday. I thought it was only fair to let her know what was going on, as i may well be taking time off for appointments and stuff now. Plus, I would probably tell her if I miscarry anyway. She was, as always, very supportive and said its fine if i need to swap hours around at work to allow for appointments etc. She was thrilled for me, but obviously understands that it's still early days.
It was nice to tell somebody though. Made it feel more ...... real! :)


Sorry for all the moans! Will try and be more positive tomorrow. Neeeed sleeeep....... zzzzzzzzzz

...... 5 weeks today! But quite worried.....

So I went and saw the GP this morning to discuss my list of concerns. She was very understanding about the concerns around my sister's pre-eclampsia and the fact that I was admitted to hospital in late pregnancy with Leo due to pre-eclampsia symptoms. Due to this she said it would be a good idea to keep an eye on me throughout pregnancy and decided to take my blood pressure then and there.


This is where it all went a bit scary! My blood pressure was high. :(  She told me to take a few deep breaths and try to relax. I tried REALLY hard to relax and breathe slowly. It made no difference, in fact the 2nd time it was higher. Then the 3rd time, it was higher again. I can't remember exact numbers but it was the bottom number that concerned her as it was in the 90s.


So I have been put in for urgent fasting blood tests at 8.40 on Friday morning. (Will have to make up some kind of excuse for work!) And I am to see my Midwife as soon as possible. I called them 3 times but no answer so have left a message to call me back.


*sigh* I really wasn't expecting this! I had a bit of high blood pressure in my pregnancy with Leo but I was quite a lot more overweight back then, and assumed it was due to that.


The Dr did tell me that it was fantastic I have lost so much weight and that it should really help my pregnancy. but it is obviously a concern that my BP is high.


Other than that she told me to carry on with the healthy eating and fitness as normal and I should be fine at work with the lifting and lugging stuff about as long as I am careful about my back. So it's business as usual ..... as much as possible.


Am feeling a bit sad and worried now! I was feeling quite positive about the pregnancy but this is a bit scary. I really expected to be so much healthier this time around.


Leo is at preschool today so after spending the morning in the Dr's surgery I am gonna relax on the sofa with my lunch and watch a crappy movie!

.... Today was a good day!

... Today I decided to stay at home and "rest" with Leo. We did go over the park for an hour as Leo just doesn't 'do' staying in the house all day! But other than that we did lots of playing.


I feel better for having a bit of a rest. I didn't really have any nausea at all today which was good. (I had it all day yesterday and felt quite rough.) Hubby got home at 5.20 and I went and relaxed in the bath with a magazine for an hour. Bliss!!


Oh yeah, I did another test this morning. I couldn't help it!  I fear this may become an addiction! LOL! 
However, I was delighted to see a stronger line today! :)

Gonna  take my little man out for the day tomorrow. Dunno where yet, will see what  the weather decides to do. It may just be softplay. He loves it there, and I usually get just long enough to enjoy a cuppa and a sit down before I get dragged into the  ball pit with him. Plus there is the added bonus that there is a Lidl right next to soft play. I'm so sad I know, but I LOVE Lidl, and we don't have one here. 


It's still such early days but we have decided not to tell anyone until after the 12 week scan. Even though that is 7 or 8 weeks away i'm terrified!  I'm so SO worried about telling my parents as i know that after what happened to my sister they are going to be very scared throughout my pregnancy. My Mum has already told me that she gets really anxious whenever she sees a pregnant lady as she just imagines things going wrong. I really don't want to add to her stress levels right now! 
And then there is telling my sister. She is already devastated  that she won't be able to have another child. She always imagined baby  Frank having a brother or sister. So i feel like my announcing my pregnancy will be a bit of a kick in the teeth for her!  PLUS i am going to be 8 months  pregnant (!!!) when I am her maid of honour, which will not only be hideous for me (lol) but i really don't want to take ANY of the focus off of her on her big day. I guess i'll just have to deal with that when it happens. 

.... Friday 7th October

..... Wow! What a weird day yesterday! I had to go to work and pretend to be 'normal' all day long, when I wanted to run around like a loon. I didn't get much work done as I was in such a flap all day!
Felt a bit sick and dizzy but couldn't work out if it was the pregnancy or just nervous excitement! 


I woke up this morning and decided to test again... just to make sure. 


Yep, the line is still there. It's still faint, but it is there!! 

I decided to make a Dr's appointment for Tuesday. This is the only day where Leo is at preschool and i'm not in work, so it had to be then. The Dr's receptionist was a bit 'off' with me and tried to tell me a Dr would call me back. Errr.... no! I want to see someone please!! Managed to get an appointment anyway. 10.40, but at a different surgery to my  local one. 
I have 4 main things to discuss:
1) My fears around what happened to my sister.
2) My work and what i need to be aware of with heavy lifting etc. Maybe some advice as to if i should confide in my boss or not.
3)  My weight and fitness. I was still losing weight and working out up until i got my BFP. i want some advice as to what I should do now. I'm still overweight (although no longer obese! yay!) but obviously shouldn't lose weight in pregnancy. I just want to be healthy!
4) What to do next regarding midwife appointment etc.


Hubby is over the moon! He is trying not to get too excited incase the pregnancy doesn't work out. But he is delighted, I can tell!  :)

.....Thursday 6th October - BFP!!!

        A couple of days before I should have got my period I began noticing changes in my body, some which pointed towards my period arriving (cramps in my tummy, spots on my face), others that could possibly be signs of early pregnancy (sore boobs, dizziness, slight nausea). I began driving myself mental trying to spot anything in my body that could point towards pregnancy. I told myself I would wait until Friday 7th to test, as I would then be 2 days late for my period. But on Wednesday night I had a shocking nights sleep. I was tossing and turning all night with nerves and excitement, and when I did sleep all I dreamt about was taking pregnancy tests! So on Thursday morning at 6.30am I decided I couldn't wait any longer, I was going to test. But I stayed in bed until 7am so that I didn't wake Leo up too early. 


I took my little pregnancy test into the toilet and did what I needed to do and then sat and studied the test. 
One minute passed ....... nothing.
Two minutes passed ...... nothing.
Three minutes passed ...... do I see a very faint line?? No, don't think so.
Four minutes passed ...... perhaps that IS a very faint line.... hhmmmm..


Go back into the bedroom and put the light on. Tell hubby "Don't get excited, I think it's negative, but actually there MIGHT be a very faint line. What do you think?". Hubby says "hhmm yeah, maybe".
I get back into bed and study it even more, the line gets a bit more prominent, but it try not to get too excited. it might be a duff test. 


I take a photo of it and post it on the TTC  forum I use. Everyone said it was definitely a line. I was not imagining it! 

OMG .............. IT'S A BFP!!!!!!!


Total shock and amazement. How can this be happening??? Surely I can't possibly be that lucky? Can I???

.... A little bit of background

... I have a beautiful, amazing little boy called Leo who is 3 years and 2 months old. He was conceived after 3 years of 'trying but not trying'. Basically I was diagnosed with a pretty bad case of PCOS back in 2004. In 2005 I married my husband and we both knew we wanted children one day so although we didn't feel financially "ready" we decided to just stop using contraception and see what happened. We kinda thought that it was very unlikely, but if it happened we would feel very blessed. I had 2 miscarriages along the way, both very early on, but it still hurt us both. However, it did mean we discovered that I could at least conceive, so I must be ovulating every now and then. In December 2007 I got the BFP I really wasn't expecting. It sounds daft but it really took me by surprise and I was shocked beyond belief. I only tested as I couldn't understand why I was throwing up in the toilets at work. So I then had the charming experience of taking a pregnancy test in the skanky toilet that was very rarely cleaned and was shared by about 60 staff (men and women). Ick! Anyway, I will never forget that moment, and who really cares where it happened. At that moment I just knew that it was different. I hadn't experienced the sickness when I was pregnant the previous 2 times. And the moment I got that BFP it suddenly dawned on me why i had been feeling so knackered all the time and why my boobs were so bloody sore! It all made sense!


Anyway, needless to say that that story ended well. On 1st August 2008 (4 days overdue) i gave birth to the most beautiful baby I had ever laid eyes on. And life has never been the same since. 


I found the newborn stage quite difficult (like a lot of people) but it was mainly due to lack of sleep.. I really don't cope very well without a good nights sleep!!! We never knew if we would ever have another child. When Leo when teeny I think I was happy to leave it at the 1. I just wasn't sure I could cope with all the sleepless nights again. But as time went on we decided we would like another but that we would leave it a few years. 


In an attempt to get my PCOS under control and to improve my chances of conceiving i embarked on a diet and fitness plan in January 2011. I have lost 4 stone 4lbs to date and feel SO much better for it. 


In April 2011 we decided to begin TTC. We both expected it to take quite a while so thought "why not". We didn't conceive that month, but weren't surprised, we just though "on to the next month". However, in May my whole life was turned upside down when my sister suffered a huge stroke 5 weeks after the birth of her 1st baby due to Eclampsia complications. It was a hideous time and I decided to stop TTC right away. it was horrendously scary that somebody could be so unwell due to pregnancy. It's all such a blur but my sister was in Intensive Care for weeks, then was transferred to a stroke ward and then onto a rehab unit. She is now at home with her husband and gorgeous baby boy and is making amazing progress. She is so determined and strong, i have a HUGE amount of admiration for her. She is a total inspiration! She has a way to go before she is fully able to look after herself and her baby, but she will get there ...... i know she will!!


So, at the end of August r we came to the decision to begin TTC again. Leo turned 3 in August and we kind of felt that we didn't really want to wait any longer. I still had fears around what happened to my sister but I felt that I it was an extremely rare thing to happen and if anything it will just make me much more careful to get any pregnancy issues checked out. 


I began tracking my periods on a 'Fertility Friend' iphone app and worked out when i would most likely be ovulating. I made sure we DTD on the most appropriate days and did a fair amount of research into how to improve our chances. I did a pregnancy test on 5th September and got a BFN. I wasn't surprised, i mean how likely would it be to get pregnant straight away?? And then the very next day i got my period. Gah!! But hey-ho, onto the next month....