..... 20 weeks today.

I have been BADLY neglecting this blog, I know. To be honest, it's just too much like hard work! LOL!
I seem to be so knackered all the time and any time I do get to myself I just want to flop on the sofa and catch up with FB and Twitter. 


Anyway, i'll do a bit of an update, and try and remember what I haven't already said. 


Christmas was good but manic as we moved house from the 22nd to the 28th December. Not my most clever decision ever but it's worth it now we are all settled in. We moved just 3 doors up into a house that is exactly the same size, however, the new house has a really big conservatory which triples our living space. So now we have a playroom at one end of the conservatory and a dining room at the other end of the conservatory. I have also put our freezer in the dining end as i was sick to death of having it out in the garage and running out in the rain to get anything. So we now have a lounge that is .... well, just a lounge! Not full of toys and junk! The house is generally in a better condition than our other house. Proper wood doors instead of those crappy hollow things, laminate floor in the lounge (not classy but looks much nicer and more practical), lovely kitchen. Only downside is the bathroom is pretty hideous. But hey, I can live with that. 


Anyway, so there was that. To add to the stress I had a small bleed on Christmas Eve which thankfully came to nothing but was probably due to me overdoing it a bit what with moving house. Scared me to death though of course.


People are now noticing and asking if i am pregnant as I have a proper bump. I compared bump photos last night of this pregnancy and my pregnancy with Leo and i am MUCH bigger this time. I guess cos my stomach muscles are shot to shit, although they were never great anyway. It might look more prominent as I'm a bit slimmer too. Although that might not last long as i am putting weight on like there is no tomorrow. Seriously, i am way too embarrassed to tell people  how much i have gained already, and every day i tell myself i will cut down on the crap but all i wanna do is eat! 


I saw my Midwife last Monday who i haven't seen since booking in. She went through all my blood results which looked fine apart from one which showed up an 'undefinable' abnormality, so i have to go back on Wednesday to have more blood tests. My blood pressure was fine, in fact it was pretty good for me, so that was a relief. Then she listened to the heartbeat. I suddenly got all nervous, because as usual i had of course convinced myself that something would be wrong. She warned me that it might take a while to find, but literally the second she put the microphone thingy on my tummy, there is was. A very strong little heartbeat! :) it was LOVELY! I had such a massive grin on my face. There were other little bumping noises which she told me was the baby kicking. Ahhh love it!


I have properly started to feel the baby kick over the past few days which I adore!! Hubby has even managed to feel some tiny movements. I feel baby most when i am in the bath, i'm not sure why but I had the same with Leo, he would go crazy in the bath! 


We have a short list of baby names now but will decide properly once we know the sex. I think the boy's name is sorted, but we can't agree on a girls name. I have one I really like but hubby isn't sure. We did settle on one but then I realised that it rhymed with 'Tony' and that would be very bad!! lol. So that one got crossed off the list, but it is still  a possible middle name. 


On the downside i have started to find it difficult to get comfy at night and am not sleeping very well. I really don't cope well with lack of sleep so i'm a bit grumpy at the mo. I have ordered a 'Dream Genii' (pregnancy sleep pillow thingmy) which has been recommended to me so hopefully that will arrive soon and will help me sleep. 


Then on Friday its the big 20 week scan!! Really excited but also nervous (of course). Hoping to find out the sex but still thinking it's a boy. Can't wait to go out and buy some cute boyish or girlish baby clothes once we know. 


Other stressful things that have been going on include Tony having a problem with his gall bladder. He keeps having gall bladder attacks which leave him in a serious amount of pain, vomiting and being unable to sleep or eat. He has obviously had time off of work for this which he hates and isn't good money wise either. But his work are very understanding. He has an abdominal scan on 20th Feb, which really can't come soon enough as it scares me to death when he is unwell. When he had his blood taken his results weren't good. The level of bile in his liver should be between 1 and 10 and Tony's was 500!! Scary! The Dr actually called and asked if he was ok. I don't think he could believe he was still standing. Apparently he had only seen those kind of levels in alcoholics, and Tony doesn't drink! 
Anyway, praying that gets sorted ASAP as it is not the sort of thing we need to be dealing with along with a newborn. I think they will have to remove his gall bladder. 


We also had a scary time with my sister last weekend when she was staying at my parent's house. She suffered a seizure in the bathroom and ended up falling and bashing her head on a wooden washing basket/cabinet. To cut a long story short it was pretty horrendous and resulted in a 2 day stay in hospital which she wasn't amused by. But she now has anti-seizure medication which should help. She had never had a seizure before so we had no idea what was happening, but it's apparently very common for people who have had strokes. 


The great news is that my sister, BIL and baby are planning to move to Devon!! Can't believe it. Their whole priorities in life have changed which makes me so happy. This will make a massive difference to everyone. I'm really looking forward to the opportunity to be there for her more, and to be a big part of baby Frank's life. 


Unfortunately a good friend of mine died 2 weeks ago. She had been battling cervical cancer for around 2 years but it was all very quick towards the end. It was a shock and really affected me. I knew her through Red Hot Chili Peppers forums and fanclub and even though she lived in Australia, we often said we were like twins as we were spookily similar. We always had grand plans to visit each other but she had 2 daughters and then i got pregnant with Leo and it never happened. I feel so very sad about that now though. She was an AMAZING person who always looked out for others and managed to find the positives in everything, even whilst battling cancer. 


So there we have it. The past 8 weeks in a nutshell. Some good things, some bad things, but it all just makes me feel incredibly lucky for my happy, healthy little family. I'm so excited to be having another baby and can't wait to hold it for the first time and gaze at their little face. ♥


Anyway, I'm sure i will be back on Friday with news from the scan! Wish me luck! 

... Had my 12 week scan today.

And I am absolutely over the moon to be able to say that everything was fine. More than fine. Wonderful!!


I am totally on cloud 9 right now. To be honest, I think i had prepared myself for the worst.


We arrived at 9.20am,  appointment was at 9.30am. I first got called into a little room to fill out some paperwork, got asked some standard questions about health and ethnic origin, etc. Then got weighed!!  Argh, wasn't prepared for that one. She didn't tell me what i weighed thank god, and i didn't ask! lol


Then we went back into the waiting room and got called again about 5 mins later.  This time for the scan. I got onto the bed thingy and was surprised to see a big screen right in front of me, as well as one in front of the sonographer. I immediately thought "surely she won't switch  my screen on until she has seen everything is ok" but she put it on straight away. I was sooo scared that i was going to see something awful, but I couldn't look away from the screen. 


However, as soon  as she put the scanning thingy on my tummy i saw a baby on the screen. Not a tiny blob, like i was expecting. A proper baby that looked well formed for 12 weeks, was wiggling and had a heartbeat!!!


I immediately started crying! I can't even remember what the sonographer said but she was lovely and said very positive things (unlike my early scan). 
Tony then started crying too and rested his head on shoulder and kissed me. 


The sonographer started taking measurements and she decided i was 2 days ahead of what they told me at my early scan. Which was good, as they put me a week behind at my early scan and i was pretty sure i couldn't have been a whole week behind. 5 days doesn't seem quite such a big deal. 


Baby was sleeping for most of the scan. It did have a wriggle right at the beginning and then a little wriggle in the middle. Nothing like my 12 weeks scan with Leo. He was bodypopping all over the place! Perhaps that means this baby will be more chilled out! *wishful thinking*


I asked if there was any sign of the bleeding that had been previously seen as she said "No, there's no bleeding. There are a few little darker areas but that is most likely just a little bit of bruising from where it has healed". I was so relieved to hear that. 


After the scan me and Tony had a big cuddle and for the first time really celebrated the pregnancy. I could just tell from the look in his eyes that he was completely delighted. :)


Then i had to have some blood taken for the Downs test (among others) and i was VERY impressed that the lady managed to get blood out of me first time!! AND from my arm!! That never ever happens. it always takes several attempts and then they have to take it from the back of my hand. So that was good too!


I then made an appointment to see the Consultant on Monday 12th. I asked what this was for and the receptionist said it was a standard appointment that everyone gets. Hhmmm.... not convinced, but i'm happy to go. The more appointments the better if you ask me! 


After the hospital me and Tony went into Exeter for a quick bit of shopping before Tony had to start work. I promised myself a mooch around the H&M baby and Maternity departments if all was well at the scan. I treated myself to 2 lovely maternity dresses / long tops, and got a little set for baby! A sleepsuit, vest, trousers, bib and little hat, all in neutral colours. So cute!!! 
Anyway, i was in such a flap after my scan i went and bloody left my scan photo on the receptionists desk!! I only realised once i got into Exeter so i had to go back and get it! Doh! 


I went into work for 12 as i had a team meeting. Our team meetings are the only time we all get together to share news and important work stuff so it was the perfect opportunity to let all my colleagues know. It was lovely that they were all so delighted for me! :)


I obviously got to tell all my family, Tony's family and friends too which was FAB! At last i can start to look forward to having a baby and can enjoy my pregnancy! 


Anyway, gonna shut up now as hubby just got home. But all in all, a very VERY good day!!! ♥


Here is my scan pic. Gorgeous baby!!! xxxx

... 9+1

Yesterday I reached week 9! And what is my reward for this milestone? A horrendous sick bug!!

After being kept awake half the night by the bloody cat who kept meowing in my face for no apparent reason, I finally get her settled and snuggled up to me, only to wake up at 5am with awful stomach pains and pouring with sweat. I knew straight away that something was wrong so took myself off to the bathroom. I sat on the toilet and started shaking. I had that familiar feeling that i was about to be very sick so I picked up Leo's step stool, turned it upside down and used it as my sick bucket!

I'll spare you ALL the hideous details but my body was rejecting something in a very extreme way. This wasn't just a little but if sick, it was throwing up over and over again whilst hardly being able to breathe, and only really bringing up bile as my stomach was empty.

Hubby heard me and asked if I was ok, I said "no" and explained that this most definitely was not just morning sickness. He normally leaves for work at 7.15am but anticipating being very unwell I asked him if he would be able to be late for work so that he could take Leo to preschool for me. Thankfully his boss agreed for him to go in late so that I didn't have to deal with getting Leo up, dressed, fed, and to preschool.

To cut a long story short I carried on being sick all day. I think the last time I was sick was at about 4.30pm. I was unable to keep any water down all day and obviously couldn't eat anything. I went to bed at 8.30pm and slept until 7.30am this morning. 11 hours!! Can't remember the last time I slept that long.

Anyway, I woke up feeling loads better this morning and have had some tea and toast. Thankfully I don't have to go to work yesterday. My boss called me last night (after hearing from my colleague how poorly I was) and told me she had arranged cover for me for Wed and Thu so told me to stay home and rest. She is the only one at work who knows I'm pregnant so knows how important it is that I look after myself. I was so so relieved to not have to worry about going to work. I have Friday booked off as annual leave so I have no work at all this week.

I have been a bit worried about the affect that my illness might have had on the baby, not only because of the very violent puking and retching but also the dehydration. I'm really gonna take advantage of the next few days and make sure I rest as much as I can.

It's bad enough being so poorly but then worrying about the little person inside me as well is just horrible! :(

Anyway, moving on - 15 days until my 12 week scan (even though I'll only be 11 weeks) and I can't wait!!! I just want to know everyhing is ok now. I will be SO nervous on the day. I just hope its a lot more positive than the last one!

.... Update from the scan (and other stressful stuff).

So yeah, I have been crap at updating this, sorry! The truth is, I have been so unbelievably tired lately that i have barely have the energy to make it through the day. Ugh!

Anyway, here it is.

So I had my early scan on Friday 4th November. It was a hideous day from start to finish. Leo woke up at 5am and was sick all over his bed. I was hoping and praying it was a one off but nope, he continued to throw up all morning. Tony was supposed to be coming to the scan with me but obviously had to stay  home with Leo. So i had to go on my own, which wasn't a nice experience. I got to the hospital ok, but then got totally lost in the hospital trying to find the right bit to go to. Then when I eventually find it i couldn't get the pay and display machine to work so had to run around trying to find another one. I sat in  the  waiting room on my own for what felt like an eternity but was probably only 30 mins. And then I had the scan. 

They were very thorough and did an external and internal scan. There were 2 of them and they kept talking between each other in language i didn't really understand, neither of them said anything to me for ages which terrified me. Finally one of them turned to me and said "Well there IS a foetus with a heartbeat" (at which point tears plopped out from my eyes) but then there came the "but". To cut a long story short - there is bleeding around the edge of the sac which is obviously where my episodes of bleeding have come from, and the baby measured a week smaller than my dates, which is worrying as I was fairly sure of my dates. 

Basically they said that the bleeding could just stop and the pregnancy could progress as normal or it may continue and lead to miscarriage. They were very matter of fact with me, which i guess they have to be, but there was nothing comforting or understanding from them at all! I went away with my little scan report to show to my  midwife and got in the car and called Tony. I sobbed down  the phone to him and he was very quiet, i don't think he knew what to say really. :(

I then went on to work, which i wasn't sure was a great idea but actually i think it helped take my mind off of it a tiny bit and get back into 'normal' life. I managed to compose myself by the time i got there and then just got my  head down and  did some work, whilst trying to avoid talking to anyone. 

So that's that, my due date has been pushed forward a week to the 19th June now and we just have to keep our fingers crossed that everything will be ok. 

On the Friday after work I made my way to Guildford to stay with my sister. The whole journey was a total nightmare. My train from Tiverton to Reading was due at 6.10pm but when  Tony dropped me off at the station it had been cancelled!! The next one wasn't due for another hour so i called Tony back to get me and we went off to Tesco to do some shopping and so I could get some cash out. Got there and my debit card wouldn't work in the cashpoint so i took it inside to get some cashback. But it wouldn't work at the tills either and they couldn't override it. So i had NO way of getting any money out. Bearing in mind my  debit card is my only source of money i was feeling rather stressed out. whilst all of this was going on Leo managed to fall over and bang his chin on a pile of baskets. He really hurt himself and was screaming his head off, so how did i deal with this - I cried with him!! Tony called my sister an arranged to have some money transferred from my account into hers so she could give me some money when i got there. Then we got  back to the train station  at 7.10 to get my train and it  was SO hideously packed i had to squeeze myself through the door, like you would on a busy tube. By this point i was feeling very nauseous and standing up in a sea of people on  a fast moving train did not help. I was SURE i was gonna puke  all over everyone  at any moment and had  my  quickest rout to the toilet planned in advance. Thankfully when we got to Taunton I put my ruthless head on and pushed  past all the people and managed to score the one and only seat that had been vacated. I was SO relieved!! The rest of the journey didn't go smoothly either. We had several delays, one due to a punch up on the train, and another due to us having to make an unscheduled stop at Newbury Racecourse to get a woman off the train and into an ambulance as she was in  labour!!! So of course we get to Reading and i have missed my connecting  train! The station was very busy and i had no idea what i was doing or where i was going  but thankfully i  bumped into a parent who attends one of my community groups at work. She works for First Great Western and was able to point me in the right direction of my  next train.  Anyway, the whole thing was hideous and i didn't get to my sister's until gone 11pm!! I was utterly shattered and was out like a light when my head hit the pillow. 

Thankfully the next day I was able to put it all behind me and start afresh. Me and Donna  went to the 'Spirit of Christmas' fayre at London Olympia and had a WONDERFUL day!! It really was fab! It was quite stressful looking after Donna by myself and making sure nobody bumped into her, and that she was ok all the time, but it was so worth it. Donna had a really good time and told me i had done a very good job of looking after her. It annoyed me how inconsiderate people can be around disabled people and one more than one occassion I had to argue with people as to why she deserved a seat  more than they did!! GRRRR!!! I was shocked by the amount of staring that goes on too. I mean, i know people are probably just looking at her and wondering what has happened to her but FFS she isn't a freak show. I did some very good glaring back at them and got some classic embarrassed looks when they saw me! lol! Donna  thought it was pretty hilarious and called me her "bodyguard". I did literally bat a couple of people out of the way. But i was not letting ANYONE ruin our special day together and Donna's biggest fear was getting knocked over. I was amazed by how well she did. She walked for the WHOLE  day. 7 hours!! Although there were obviously lots of breaks for her to sit down and rest for a while.

I had decided not to tell my sister about my pregnancy due to the uncertainty of the scan. However, 5 mins  after we got to the Christmas Fayre  Donna turned to me and said "If I ask you a question, will you answer honeslty?". I said yes and she then said "Are you pregnant?". I was totally shocked and had NO idea how she knew, as i had given no clues whatsoever!! Turns out she suspected it when i asked Mum about the Isofix fittings in our new car! But that was due to Leo's new car seat. Nothing to do with baby seats!! Hilarious!!

Anyway, so of course i told her the whole story and she gave me a hug and told me that she was really pleased for me. Phew! I was so relieved. it was just a shame that we couldn't properly celebrate as its all so uncertain. The bonus was i was able to share with her how sick i felt. The tiredness  from the day before  really affected me i think. It seems that my sickness gets much worse when i'm tired. 

We had a really lovely weekend and i was SO pleased to see how well my sister is doing. Her progress is slow now and she and Pete are struggling to adjust to this long term, but I have every faith she will continue to improve. It's only been 6 months since her stroke and considering how unwell she was to begin with she has come an incredibly long way. I can't wait to see how much further she progresses in the next 6 months! 

The scan was over a week ago now and I have only had one very small bleed since then, it was only really a tiny bit of blood when i wiped, nothing more. I definitely still feel pregnant, i'm knackered all the time, feel sick often and need to eat ALL the time. I'm already sporting an enlarged tummy,  but that is definitely due to the amount of food i'm eating and not a baby bump!!

I'm trying to focus on the positives and have even made my first baby purchase. I got the exact same crib we had for Leo from someone local on ebay. In very good condition and only £30! It's £120 new from mothercare. Very happy! Some might see it as tempting fate, but it WILL get used sometime in the future so what's the harm in buying it now? 

Anyway,  i have waffled on way too much now and i have promised to make biscuits and cakes with Leo today (mainly so i can scoff them! lol) so i better get on with it. 

Now the mammoth update is out of the way I'll try really hard to update more regularly! 

Thanks for listening. Take care of yourselves, and each other. ;)

... Scan tomorrow morning!!

God, I am SO nervous! I feel sick about it. I'm just so worried something will be wrong and that I won't cope with the bad news.
Tony is coming with me as it's his day off tomorrow, but unfortunately Leo has to come too as we don't have anyone to look after him. I have told Tony he will have to stay in the waiting room with Leo as i don't want leo being in there if something is wrong. It wouldn't be fair to him. But hopefully, if everything is ok, they might let me call Tony and Leo in to see. I don't think we will tell Leo what he is looking at but he will probably be too busy looking at all the machines to really notice.


I'm off to stay with my sister tomorrow night after work. On Saturday we are going to the 'Spirit Of Christmas' event http://www.spiritofchristmasfair.co.uk/. We are both very excited about it as we love christmas. And it will just be a really nice opportunity to spend some time together just the 2 of us. Something we haven't done for probably over a year now. Definitely  not since she has had her stroke. It will be lovely to talk to her one-to-one. Can't wait to see baby Frank either, and give him a big squishy cuddle!!!


At one of my community groups at work today a mum I have worked quite closely with over the past 2 years arrived with her 5 day old baby girl ! She was absolutely tiny (5lb 10), but I had a lovely cuddle with her! God I hope i'm holding my own newborn in  7 months time. ♥  ♥  ♥


If all goes well tomorrow I will be going straight to work after and will then be on my way to my sisters straight from work so I don't know when i'll next get the chance to update this blog. I'll try and see if I can work out how to do if from my iphone.


To be honest i don't know what i'm going  to do if all is not well. I'm trying not to think too much about that scenario. I guess i won't go to work and then going to my sister's will depend on what  they want to do with me. Anyway, nope, not thinking about right now!


Positive thoughts!!! xxx

... Early scan booked.

Midwife called me this morning and told me she has booked me an early scan for Friday morning at 8.55am. 


I was hoping it might be sooner, but even so, just a few days to wait. I'm so nervous though. I just keep getting this horrible feeling something will be wrong. 


I have had to cancel my 1st meeting at work on Friday morning and emailed my boss to let her know why I will be late. She knows I am pregnant so it's fine. Dunno what I will say if any other colleagues ask me though....


I am driving myself BONKERS at the moment by comparing everything to my pregnancy with Leo. It's so different and I guess that's what is worrying me. With Leo I had such awful sickness all the time and couldn't eat hardly anything. This time around, I get moment of queasiness but mostly I am just bloody STARVING all the time. Right now my stomach is grumbling like mad. Despite the fact I had 2 big fat crumpets 2 hours ago!! If I carry on that this rate I am gonna put on SO much weight. 


Anyway, keeping everything crossed until Friday! It can't come soon enough. 

... First Midwife appointment

So, my first midwife appointment went ok. 


First off, she was lovely! Which really helps. Leo entertained himself well with the box of toys and the bag of mini cheddars i took for him. He had no idea what we were talking about thankfully. 


I told her my history and then my sister's history which made me cry (again!!). She was very understanding and could see why I was so anxious about my blood pressure. 


We went through all the usual stuff and she told me about my options of where to give birth (Exeter or Taunton - both over a 30 min drive away! Eek!)


I totally forgot to ask anything i wanted to. I was SO nervous. And she actually referred to me TWICE as an "anxious lady". 


She looked up my blood tests on her computer and they all came back fine. Apparently my iron  levels  are very healthy which is good. The only minor thing was when they did my blood grouping test, it came back with a minor abonormailty thingy (didn't really understand but they said it was nothing to worry about and it just has to be repeated at  12 weeks). 


She phoned up and booked my 12 week scan for 1st December. Then when I told her about my bleeding and how worried i am she said she would book me in for an early scan. She called up but they were closed so she is going to do it first thing in the morning. She said it's usually within a couple of days so i should get it for Wed or Thu. I'm really nervous but can't wait. I just want to know one way or another. The not knowing is killing me. 


Keeping everything firmly crossed until then. 


K. xxx